I am NOT a perfect mom - an open letter.

Dear mom's at the park who comment in jest about how perfect and well-behaved my kids are, and friends who come over and see a clean house and ask me when I have time to make it look so nice. It may look like I have it all together out in public, my kids are well behaved,and usually well dressed. I bring healthy snacks with me to the park, and try not to let them have more than an hour of screen time a day. They are healthy friendly and for the most part well adjusted. My house, is clean and I usually have a home cooked meal ready at 6 pm. But this is what you see on Instagram, Facebook, or out in public. What you don't see is the pile of clean laundry that never gets folded in the spare bedroom, the closet in the toy room I'm afraid to open because It has become a catch all for everything I don't know where to put (from. Holiday decorations, to clothes that don't fit the boys, to that ugly vase my mother in law got me at the flea market.) you don't see that sometimes when the baby wakes up at 6am and I didn't go to sleep until 2am I put blues clues on, stick him in the hight chair, and give him animal crackers while I lay on the couch and half fall asleep. You don't see that sometimes when xanderbug is completely inconsolable and screaming for seemingly no reason I give him a sippy cup with mountain dew because even though I know it's horrible, it makes him happy and sometimes I just need a minute to collect my thoughts and move on. You're not in the room with us when he wakes up from a nightmare at 3 am or is having a night terror and I'm rocking him in the recliner begging him to "please shut the fuck up" while crying myself. We present our self in the best light publicly. Not just moms but everyone. Weather it's overly filtered pictures on Instagram, statuses on Facebook, or just the way you present you and your family when you're out in public. Nobody wants everyone to know the bad and ugly parts of their lives. I've had friends ask me how I keep my sanity with out "me time", and the truth is I may not have as much "me time" as most of them(I don't work, I don't dump my kids on their grandparents unless I absolutely have to, and as much as I love him my hubby, if I leave them with him, it ends up just being junk food and TV... And I'm not a huge fan of that idea) sometimes I put them in the toy room, turn on transformers for troy, close the door and walk away. That half an hour or so is more than enough me time. Am I a good mom? I'd like to think so, but I am by no means perfect.

The ac went out, it's hot, and an introduction.

So today was a good day, until the central air went out. In a trailer with a little one we might as well live in an oven. Xander doesn't seem to mind much but I'm pouring sweat just sitting in the Rocker watching him play in the play room. Outside isn't much better, the humid georgia air and the lack of any shade in our yard make it almost as unbearable out there. Although I'm probably going to slather him up with sun screen and his Burts bees natural bug spray (that I totally swear by even though my husband thinks it's ridiculously overpriced. He may be right but I'd prefer to spend a little more than cover my son in deet) and let him play in the water table and pool. Because this is just ridiculous. And just in case you need an introduction, I'm Regina, I'm a 23year old stay at home mom to my beautiful Griffin Xander (who has been xanderbug since before he was born) he is one year old, fat, happy, smart and stubborn. He flat out refuses to walk even though I've seen him do it out the corner of my eye. As soon as you look directly at him he will plop his butt on the ground and crawl. I'm what they call a "transplant“ I was born and raised in new York, moved to georgia at 16 met my very southern (some would say redneck, and by some I mean my family) husband and step son at 19,got pregnant at 22 and got got married (at the court house) at 23. I keep busy with my crazy little boy and planning our "make up wedding". I never pictured my self as a barefoot southern mama sippin' sweet tea, wearing cut offs, and yelling “quit that from a porch swing while my boys played in the mud. I always pictured it more like this - living in the suburbs of Manhattan, or possibly Staten island, two little pagent girls (Alessia Paige, and Lucy Elizabeth if you were wondering) Barbies all over the floor of a hot pink and zebra striped play room, dance class, ice skating, and tumbling. Shopping on 5th Avenue and Taki g my girls to Broadway shows and the liberty science center. (Yes I've put a lot of thought in to my life.) but life happens a d I honestly wouldn't give up my dirty, messy, stinky, sticky, sweet boys for anything in the world.